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Trying to sleep with a male is not for the faint of heart…

 

1. The initial misconception you have that sleeping together will be this cute and cuddly little heaven.

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Only to have reality and drool stomp on your dreams.

 

2. There’s the snoring, because I swear every single man snores.

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And this ridiculous info-commercial is completely accurate because you are definitely guilty of nudging them awake mid-snore as you just about reach insanity.

 

3. The snores that violently wake them up on their own.

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Well, that sounded like you were choking on spit. Awesome.

 

4. The few short moments you have after they’ve paused the snores. You have to rapidly try to fall asleep.

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Sleep brain. Sleep brain. Sleep brain. DAMN IT HE IS SNORING AGAIN.

 

5. The constant position changing.

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Why in god’s name can you not just hold still? Why?

 

6. The absurd spasms and jerks that often result in your getting injured.

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Sorry babe, did I spaz again? Yeah, you just punched me in the face, no big deal.

 

7. When they try to be cuddly and actually just suffocate you.

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No, it’s cool I didn’t want to breathe or anything.

 

8. The immense amount of heat that is constantly projecting off of them.

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9. The moments when you are still awake and you contemplate attacking them for it.

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Just one pillow smack to the face. He probably won’t even know it was me.

 

11. When they do something like this.

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I will kill you. I may be small but I have long nails and sharp teeth.

 

13. When they actually have consistent enough jerks that you start to wonder if they are having a seizure.

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Are you dreaming? What is even going on?

 

14. THE DROOLING.

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15. SO MUCH DROOLING.

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If it doesn’t end up on your face, that’s like a good night.

 

16. The weird movements they make when sleeping that resemble only the most awkward of actions.

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What are you doing…You know what, I really don’t want to know.

 

17. When one of the jerks, snores, or random movements wakes them up, they think it’s the morning, and start talking to you.

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18. Worst of all, morning comes along, and you look like this…

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19. And then this happens.

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You’re joking, right?

 

20. And. They. Won’t. Stop.

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GO AWAY I NEED TO BRUSH MY TEETH AND YOUR RHINO SNORES ARE STILL FRESH IN MY MEMORY.

 

21. When people ask you how you slept.

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22. Then there are the moments you remember that you actually like that sleeping dofus, and this is the price you have to pay.

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Sweet dreams, ladies.

 

Looking for more? Check out the articles below, and the social media pages on the right hand side of the page. I would love to connect with you! Happy Blogging.

70 Little Tips That Can Change A Girl’s Life

7 Reasons We Need To Kill The Hook-Up Culture

14 Reasons To Date A Family-Oriented Man

25 Moments That Make Being In Love So Incredible 

14 Things No Young Woman Should Ever Have To Fear

30 Reasons You Love Being Super Close With Your Family

15 Things College Students Are Just Not In The Mood For Today

 

More About the Author

Lexi Herrick
Lexi Herrick
Lexi is the founder of HerTrack.com. She is also a digital marketer and writer currently working for Seer Interactive in Philadelphia, PA as an SEO Associate. Lexi contributes to a number of global online publications and is always trying to get involved in the conversation. She's an advocate for equality, knowledge, healthy relationships, compassion, self-confidence, integrity and above all, love. She's addicted to caffeinated beverages and people who make her smile.
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7 comments

Reply

oh man…

Reply

This is hilarious 🙂

Reply

maybe I’ll stick to the boyfriend pillow 😛

Reply

I hate to tell you all but the snoring gets worse as they get older. Still, I love to have him in bed beside me!

Reply

Haha, such a good laugh!

Reply

my physician who was diagnosing my husband’s snoring problem also said that changing lifestyle dramatically reduces several symptoms of snoring like changing the sleeping position or cutting down on different things like alcohol, etc. Between this was funny

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