It feels as natural as breathing to harvest hatred and anger towards those we have loved and lost. I know I have. I have been fortunate enough to have fallen in love twice in my life. Both were very different and special people. I blamed those special people for some time. A lot of the time that blame was misguided by sadness over the loss of someone that needed to leave my life. I have found the most critical element to finding closure is realizing that acceptance is freedom from negative emotions. We are all human. We are flawed. Peace of mind only came for me when I started to genuinely want what was best for those whom I have loved and lost.
Only love will set you free. Forgiving hearts soften, and want what is best for everyone, especially those who at one time brought them great happiness. How can we know real love until we let go of hatred? Therefore I realized that through this change of mindset that I have experienced, there were a few established hopes I have for the people I have had to let go of. I also wish every person who has had to say good-bye the same peace of mind that will lead them to also want these things. It isn’t easy, and it takes time. However, I assure you it is worth the effort to try.
For the lovers of our pasts, I write for them the following hopes and wishes:
1. I hope you will follow your passions and achieve your dreams.
Wherever you are now, and wherever life is taking you, I want you to first know that I hope you achieve all that I always knew you were capable of. I hope you stay on the track that leads you to your dreams. I hope no one ever holds you back from that, as I may have if we were to still be together. I hope that you follow the beautiful, rhythmic directions of your heart.
2. I wish you the strength to get back up when you are knocked down.
I know first hand the situations and hardships you have had to overcome. I witnessed some of them. I saw your pain, and also your strength. I experienced them along side of you for a time in our lives. I know life can be discouraging and ruthless in its incredibly unpredictable nature. I know it will at some point gather up enough strength to knock your legs out from under you. I know it won’t be easy at times. I want you to know I am somewhere always wishing you the bravery and fortitude to pick yourself back up, and learn from the adversity you are dealt.
3. I hope you never lose faith in love.
People will break your heart. Sometimes love gets messy. I know I created a mess for you in a lot of ways. I want you to know that I would never wish a life without love on my worst enemies, and certainly not on you. I hope you know that what happened between us doesn’t mean love fails. Love never fails. People can fail because of situations, time, maturity, personalities and situations that are often times out of their control. I hope you never stop being open to the vast possibilities that the seven billion people on this earth have to offer your big heart.
4. I hope you never lose sight of the importance of family and friendship.
Life turns strong relationship bonds into a challenge as we get older. I know you will move, grow and change in ways I can’t even fathom at this point in time. I met and fell in love with your family and friends as I did with you. I know how special they are. I know how important it is to have a backbone in this world. I know how much it has carried me in times of weakness and fear. I know that if you are able to keep them close to your heart, they will always take care of you. I hope you never lose sight of their incredible importance in your life, and constantly strive to continue their presence in your life. With them, you will never feel alone.
5. I hope you take chances.
I hope you will continue to have the courage to step outside of your comfort zone and grow as a person. I hope you are able to thrive in the uncertain, and choose the path less travelled. I hope you take a chance on the happiness you deserve in this life.
6. I wish you an intense amount of laughter and memories.
We used to laugh so hard we would cry. We used to make memories we couldn’t forget if we tried. If there is one thing I want for you in this life, it is the experiences and moments that bring you pure, unrestricted joy. I hope you have nights where you drink too much and dance like an idiot with your friends. I hope you see a ton ridiculous movies that make you laugh until your stomach hurts. I hope you eat way too much pizza and ice cream because you I really do believe it can often heal the soul. I hope you conquer every family game night and one day get the best dog in the world to play with. I hope you travel to the sites in this world that take your breath away. I hope you experience the moments that make us all appreciate the wonders of this world, and the genuine, silly encounters that make it worth the ride.
7. I hope you can have the power to forgive.
I hope you forgive me for all the ways I wronged you. I hope you forgive yourself for everything in life you wish you did differently. I hope you forgive others who hurt you. I hope you forgive your family and friends who have let you down in any way. I hope you forgive, because forgiveness is what sets the heart free.
8. I hope you find peace with the world.
Some people find peace through finding grace and faith. Some people find peace when they find themselves. Some people find peace when they make it with the people and situations who have wronged them. Some people find peace with the world when they have made a difference in it. Ultimately, finding peace in this confusing world is a journey, and one I will always hope you the best for.
9. I hope you know I am always here for friendship.
Though now is not the time to be in each other’s lives, I want you to know I am always here for you. I am always here if you pop into town and need a shoulder to cry on or a couch to crash on. I am always here as an old friend who knows a part of you very well. We don’t have to speak and we don’t have to see each other, but I do want you to know that doesn’t mean I am not here if you needed me. Years will pass and life will change, but I will always consider you a very special friend.
10. I wish you the most incredible and perfect love.
This is always the hardest part. Wanting someone you loved to find someone else is remarkably difficult and tears at the innermost corners of your soul. The truth is I really want it for you now. I hope you find a strong woman with a huge heart; big enough to love you the way I wasn’t meant to. I hope she is beautiful and gentle. I hope she is patient and kind. I hope she is brilliant and resilient. I hope she loves you every single day, and is honest and faithful to you. I hope she knows exactly when it’s time to order takeout and pour a few drinks, or when it’s time to let you think. I hope she can be strong when you cannot, and carry you through the hard times. I hope she can give you strong hugs and perfectly timed kisses when you need them most. I hope she loves the way you look when your hair starts turning gray, or when you are out in the yard playing with little people that have your eyes and endearing smile. I know she will because you deserve that and I can’t explain how happy that makes me.
May we all learn to forgive and to want what is best for others. May we all learn to support and dream for each other, even if it’s from a distance and even if they have hurt us. May the love of acceptance set us free.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”