Going from newlyweds to new parents is an exciting time in any couple’s life, but it brings with it a new set of challenges. One area that is really impacted is the bedroom.
Whether you just had a new baby or you are raising teenagers, parenting can be stressful, if not downright exhausting. Not exactly the mental state to put you in the mood.
Studies show that marital satisfaction was closely associated with sexual satisfaction. The better your sex life is, the higher your relationship satisfaction will be. But, if your marriage is lacking in physical intimacy, your bond is bound to suffer.
A healthy sex life is an important part of a marriage. It’s one of the biggest ways that couples connect on an emotional and physical level. Don’t let it fall to the back-burner in your relationship. Here are the best parenting tips on what to do when your sex life is dwindling.
1. Recognize that sex improves your marriage.
As busy parents, the only time you may get to be alone together is after the kids have gone to sleep. The only problem? You’re exhausted, too!
Still, it’s important to make time for each other intimately, even if it means scheduling it into your jam-packed week. Not only does sex feel great, it’s also good for your mind, heart, and body.
Oxytocin, the hormone released during orgasm, is known to lower anxiety. So the next time your parenting duties have you feeling stressed, take a time-out with your partner and let your love soothe each other.
Not only were these stress-fighters released during orgasm, studies show that this mood elevation persisted for some time and had a positive effect on couple’s health.
Sex also has a strong impact on your emotional connection to your spouse and according to many research studies helps to promote trust in a marriage. This trust can deepen your love for one another, which is important for a happy, healthy marriage.
2. Actively express your desire.
Parenting is a busy business. From the moment you wake up until your child goes to sleep, you are their caretaker, listening ear, sometimes playmate and always provider.
A person who feels like they spend their whole day go-go-going may feel exhausted at the thought of initiating sex before bed.
Don’t get into the habit of making your partner initiate. This can lead to issues of insecurity or resentment in the relationship.
Express your desire for your spouse openly. Look for creative ways to remind them how sexy they are to you. Spend more time flirting and kissing.
Putting in even a small effort to let your partner know you desire them will do wonders for their confidence and for your sex life.
3. Don’t let your little ones share your bed.
Many parents invite their infants or toddlers to share their bed. This makes night-time feedings easier and prevents parents from wandering out of the bedroom to check on their little ones.
As kids get older, cozying up as one big happy family is adorable fun, but don’t make a habit of letting your kids share your room.
When partners cuddle up at night it is considered a part of building physical and emotional intimacy with one another. If your child is in bed with you, it prevents any romance from happening with your spouse. This is one of the best parenting tips you can follow.
4. Practice self-care.
Your spouse loves you for you who are, but your looks don’t hurt, either. Show your spouse you’re still interested in your sex life by practicing self-care.
Make sure you’re well groomed, dressed nicely to see your spouse, and are styled and put together. There is something to be said for sitting together in your PJs on a Sunday morning, but try to put effort into your appearance when you’re set on taking things to the bedroom.
Looks aside, it’s also important to practice emotional self-care. Parenting is a tiring and stressful business. Make sure to take time for yourself, even if it’s only 15 minutes a day. Read, write, listen to your favorite music, take a hot bath, run on the treadmill! Do whatever it is that makes you happy.
By taking some time for yourself you’ll feel more energized and invigorated in the other aspects of your life, including sexy-time.
5. Have good sex.
Research shows that the higher the physical satisfaction is in the bedroom, the higher the chance that couples will verbalize their love for one another.
So not only should you be having sex with your spouse regularly, you should be having good sex.
Oxytocin, that orgasmic happy hormone from point 1, can deeply improve your relationship with your spouse. Research about the role of oxytocin revealed that couples who maintained a regular sex life felt a stronger bond in their marriage.
Communication is key for learning to satisfy each other in the bedroom. Take time with foreplay, kiss, experiment with new things. Have open and honest conversations about what turns you on and what kills the mood.
Doing these things will enhance your sex life with your spouse.
7. Schedule a regular date night.
Schedule a regular date night. What constitutes as “regular” will vary from couple to couple, but it should be at least a monthly event, if not more than that. This date night is an opportunity for you to reconnect as lovers and friends, not just parents.
Take turns planning a fun, exciting, and romantic date night to rekindle the romance in your marriage. Use it as an opportunity to get to know each other all over again.
Date night can also be used as an evening-long foreplay for creating sexual chemistry between you and your spouse.
Whether you’re going out or staying in, here are just a few date night ideas to rebuild the romance:
- Play tourist for the day at your local museum and get lost in history together
- Recreate your first date
- Grab your laptop, snacks, and plenty of blankets and watch a movie on your back porch
If you’re wondering what to do if your child becomes jealous of your date night, one of the best parenting tips you can follow is simple: be honest.
Using age-appropriate terms, explain to your children that parents need alone time to keep their marriage happy. This statement is usually enough for them to respect your need for privacy.
Sometimes being parents can lower your libidos, but it doesn’t have to.
The role you take as parents can enhance your love and attraction to one another. Think about how you feel when you see your wife playing with the kids and taking care of them. Does your heart nearly burst with love when you see your husband hugging his children when he comes home from work?
Being a good parent is sexy – embrace it!
The best parenting tip is this: The better you feel about your marriage, the better parents you’ll be. Express your desire for your spouse, maintain a regular date night, and communicate to ensure you’re having the best sex possible. Make the time to build emotional and physical intimacy in your sex life.
Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com , a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.