Dear Single Mama:
I am so glad you found the time in between the pumping sessions, the diaper changes and the constant cuddles to meet me here. This letter is for you.
You did it. You created life and brought it into this world. And that little life is perfect in every meaning of the word, isn’t it?
But this isn’t what you pictured it would be like, is it?
The midnight feedings alone. The ache in your heart wishing that he wanted to be there to help. The pit in your stomach listening to your baby cry but feeling numb because you’re so tired; tired of being the only one your baby has.
The day you found out you were pregnant was the day your purpose was born. The day every mistake, every chance you took, and every good or bad idea had a motive; motherhood.
And as scared as you were knowing it was only a matter of time before you faced this challenge alone, that positive sign made you feel whole, excited, complete. Your life had begun.
If I could have saved you from the next part, I would have.
I’m sorry I didn’t.
I didn’t protect you from the father of your child.
I didn’t protect you from his instability.
I didn’t protect you from his lack of financial stability.
I didn’t protect you from his excessive drinking, his lack of excitement for what was coming, and ultimately his failure to commit and stay faithful to you.
But because he failed to protect you, you learned really quickly how to protect yourself, and that growing life inside of you. And you made some very selfless choices to protect that child you hadn’t even met yet.
And with those choices, came one really tough one- to be a single mom.
The father of your child gave you a gift, however, he gave it to you realizing he misplaced the instruction manual and toolbox, and didn’t care enough to figure out how he could still make it work.
I know this is so far from what you had planned for your life, and there are going to be days that you cry until you cannot breathe because you feel as though you have failed your child, and maybe even yourself.
But you haven’t.
Your strength to do this on your own and give not only yourself but your child, what you both deserve triumphs any thoughts of failure.
Because of your strength, you are creating a space to teach your child what they can accomplish on their own.
I know the pain of a lost dream is too much to handle sometimes. The reality of split holidays, another mother figure and sharing time are realities that will become your new normal. That is hard to accept, and it is the hardest thing you will ever have to face.
But you can do hard things. You know why?
Because you already are.
Single moms go through life with a scar on their hearts.
A scar for their lost dream.
A scar for their child’s loss of normal.
But the thing about a scar is that it is a mark of surviving something really scary.
I wish I could tell you the hard times are over, but in reality, they have just begun.
You are going to have hard days, sad days, overwhelming days, happy days and days you won’t want to get out of bed.
But every day you’ll show up. Because that’s what we do. We show up.
This time in your life will be your proudest moment, I promise.
Hang in there.
A fellow single mother