All or nothing.
It’s a phrase that is commonly thrown around. It’s a phrase that my mind can comprehend, but my body cannot.
This is what I’ve realized: I am an “all in” kind of girl when it comes to my emotions and relationships, and here’s why:
1. I feel everything. I care too greatly. I love too quickly.
2. I pour my heart into my job.
3. I apologize when I shouldn’t have to. I share too much.
4. I feel a strong inclination to hug after every work meeting I have.
5. I crave deep conversations.
6. I trick my friends into getting coffee and make them tell me who they really are and what they’re passionate about.
7. I write love notes to said friends like I am in seventh grade.
8. I always ask to hold hands or bury my head in someone’s shoulder while we pray.
9. I give a five minute explanation for a two second answer.
10. I spend time dreaming about dates for me and my non-existent boyfriend.
11. I don’t know how to take things slow.
12. I don’t know how to not touch someone’s shoulder when they’re sharing something important.
13. I don’t know how not to attach to someone that spends time with me.
14. I don’t know how to walk down the street with a friend without interlocking arms.
15. I don’t know how to shake hands, I only know how to hug.
16. I don’t know how to hide what I’m feeling.
I guess I don’t how not to be “all-in.” And that’s OK by me.
Honestly, I’m just not that good at being a little bit.
I’m a lot.
I feel a lot. I talk a lot. I cry a lot. I laugh a lot.
But what I’m learning is that it’s OK to be a lot. It’s OK to feel everything. It’s alright that my heart can’t take it easy. I’d rather love with everything that I have than to not know how to love. I’d rather trust than to not know how to trust. I’d rather give a lot than give a little.
I know God made me this way. I know that my purpose in life is to love, and to love greatly. I know that I am wired for deep connections. I know the right person will walk into my life and be ecstatic to love me the way I love him.
So today I am going to try to stop apologizing for who I am.
I’m going to share too much and love too strongly and feel more than think.
I’m going to love loudly and passionately, because that’s what I know and that’s who I am.
I encourage you to as well, however you’re composed. There’s only one of you, and there’s only one of me. So let’s stop trying to be one other and be ourselves.