To my birth parents:
Hi. Parents? People? Strangers? I’m really not quite sure how to address you. This might be weird, and I doubt that you will ever come across this single document hidden away on an internet blog, but here it goes anyways. This is for you, to satisfy the ever so slight and fateful chance that you do read this; and probably to bring me a little closure as well.
I wanted to write this letter to let you know that I’m okay. To let you know that you made the right decision. To say, thank you.
Almost 20 years ago you changed my life. You made, what I hope was a hard decision, to give me up. To provide me with a better life. To give me a chance at a future that you could not provide. That decision that changed my life, that ultimate sacrifice, was absolutely what was meant to be.
You blessed me with the most amazing adoptive parents; the most amazing adoptive family. They have filled my life with endless love and support from day one. The life that you gave me has given me the opportunity to experience more than you could ever imagine. I’m sure when you gave me up you wanted to ensure stability, security and that I was properly cared for. I hope that you know, you gave me that and so much more.
I have never felt like an outsider or anything less than part of my adoptive family, despite the fact that we do not share DNA. My Mom is loving and cares so whole-heartedly. She shows compassion and is always full of motivation and support. My Dad is the most genuine and kindhearted man that I have ever met. He is constantly helping everyone around him and bringing out the best in those who have the privilege to know him. He has taught me to see the good in everyone and given me standards that no man will ever live up to. They are the two greatest people I have ever, and believe I will ever meet. I hope you understand when I say that I will always reserve the names “Mom” and “Dad” solely for them. I think that I was paired with them for a reason, like we each were the piece that the other needed. If you were to ever meet them, I think you would like them… everybody does.
I grew up in a beautiful small town where I created memories from summer camp, to learning to drive, to school dances. A charming neighborhood where I formed lifelong friendships and was constantly surrounded by incredible family and friends. I got the opportunity to be involved in a community where I was an athlete, a student, a friend, a teammate and a daughter.
I’m a high school graduate and attend a wonderful university where I am continuing my education and finding my place in the world. Although I am still not sure where it is yet, I can say to you in confidence, that where ever I do end up, I will be okay. I have a bright future ahead and am still reinforced with support in all that I do by the wonderful people in my life. My opportunities and experiences are just beginning and are looking to be equally if not greater than those I’ve already had.
I’ve been luckier than most. I’ve gotten to laugh. I’ve gotten to love. I’ve gotten to travel. I’ve gotten to live a life where I never had to question if I would have a roof over my head or if I would have something to eat for dinner. The only times I didn’t sleep in my own bed were the nights I was having a sleepover with my best friends. And most importantly, I always had the comfort of coming home to a family full of unconditional love.
Know that sometimes I do think about you. As I’ve grown up, I’ve been surrounded by others being told things like, “you have your father’s eyes” and “you look just like your mom”. At times I’ve wondered if I look like you. If I sound like you. Which one of you gave me my obnoxious laugh? Who did I get my ambition and constant strive for perfection from? Which of you do I have to blame for my crooked smile? Do you guys love chocolate just as much as I do? I guess I will never really know the answer to the nature vs. nurture debate we learn about in school, and that is okay.
The curiosity of meeting you will remain just that. It will never be acted upon. Likewise, you most likely never go looking for me. What I want you to know is that I would like to keep it that way. We will probably never meet again. At this point we are over 7,400 miles apart (7417.3 to be exact). Even if we were near to each other, I doubt that I would recognize you; and you probably wouldn’t recognize me. I mean, it’s been almost twenty years since you last saw me… I probably look a little different. Joking aside, we can both agree a lot has changed, and it has all been for the better. Whenever I have thought about looking for you, learning more, I always reach the same conclusion: I don’t wish to meet you. This isn’t meant to be offensive, it is simply accepting that it is what is best for everyone. They say that “everything happens for a reason” and I fully believe that. The truth is, we are no longer relevant in each other’s lives. Our relationship was just one chapter that is over and has been for some time. Your impact was to bring me into this world and lead me to the family that I have now, and I am sure my birth impacted you as well. However, we no longer share a common connection besides genetics. I have my family now, and I hope that you have yours.
I will always love you for the fact that without you, I would not be where I am today. I will be forever thankful for you and your choice you made those many years ago. I was blessed with birth parents who were willing to do what was in my best interest, and I am now blessed with the incredible life that decision gave me. So this is my goodbye. My closure. My thank you.
Finally, I hope you have a good life. Because, because of your choice, I do.
Your biological daughter.