As the made-up-in-my-mind milestone of my 8,000th tweet approaches I have a confession to make:
Hello, my name is Angela Myers, it’s been 34 seconds since my last tweet, and I am a twitterholic.
Phew that feels good to get off my chest. No, but seriously. I joined twitter at the innocent age of 17 and now at the ripe old age of 24 I realized that over the past 7 years I sent over 1,000 tweets per year across the vast lonely space of the interweb. I am sure that many of you are probably above and beyond my minute milestone of 8,000 tweets. However, I do think my experience lends me the authority to compile a list of the 10 Commandments of Twitter. Enjoy!
The 10 Commandments of Twitter
1. “Google before you tweet is the new think before you speak.” I saw that quote on Pinterest or something and I think that it is valuable advice. You don’t want to have a spelling error in your tweet or be the person publicly admitting that you think Noam Chomsky is an adorable nickname for the cookie monster. Save the stupidity for Facebook where it belongs.
2. If you have a spelling/grammatical error and less than 3 people have favorited or retweeted you, you are perfectly within your rights to delete said tweet and try again. 3 or more and I’d say you’re just awesome enough to let it go.
3. If someone you know follows you, be polite and follow back. Unless 63% of that person’s tweets are mindless blubbering about exes or up to the minute play-by-plays of the Olympic curling team. Definitely don’t feel obligated to follow back.
4. On that note if SexyBunnyFace47 follows you or mentions you, delete/block that nonsense immediately if not sooner because after SexyBunnyFace47 it’s a quick downward spiral to bananafootfetish76 and S&Mwithme63.
5. After 3 cocktails step away from the blue bird icon. You are not as witty or hilarious as you believe you are. Do you want to have a REAL hangover and a what-did-I-tweet last-night hangover? I didn’t think so.
6. Only follow celebrities that you really like because otherwise their tweets tend to take over your feed and you can miss out on some real witty gems by the average joes that you follow. I personally only follow Ellen Degeneres because I like to try to win things and she posts funny YouTube videos. And she’s Ellen.
7. Lists are there for a reason. If you are following 500 people it’s hard to keep track of it all. Have a list of your best friends, college pals, favorite witty tweeters, what have you. Make twitter work for you don’t work for twitter.
8. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT subtweet unless you have the balls to back up what you said should you get called out. Actually, scratch that, don’t subtweet. That’s very 7th grade of you. Fight your battles face-to-face or text about that doucheface behind his/her back… you won’t @ them.
9. As you get older and start looking into the job market, it is really smart to have a separate professional twitter account that you wouldn’t be embarrassed in case your boss/coworkers/professors/family see. Keep your personal account on lockdown and use your professional account for intelligent self-promotion.
10. As life is short, so are the numbers of characters that you can fit into a tweet, make the most of each of them. And if you go a little over there’s nothing at all wrong with a little #LT to finish out your thought.
Just kidding, it’s @AngelaAnaconda0.